Christian Taylor Buchanan

Christian Taylor Buchanan

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Sunshine after the Rain

I have been a mother for almost 6 years now, and one thing motherhood has taught me is that raising kids is full of highs so high you think it can't get any better, and lows that make you feel like you're scrapping the bottom. And sometimes all those highs and lows can come at once. 

One of the hardest things so far about raising Christian has been the fact that he is beginning to desire independence from me, but independence doesn't come so easy with a child who is blind. Don't get me wrong, that's part of it. If we raise kids well, then they won't need us one day, right? As hard as that is, it's just part of it. And as mothers, our hearts break and rejoice all at once as our children gain independence and come into their own. But with Christian it's different.

He is at the normal stage in his development where he desires independence. He asks to do things himself with his sweet little words, "Want Christian to do it." He lets go of my hand as we walk, hoping to make his destination on his own. He asks to do things that his lack of vision just won't allow him to do without assistance. He struggles to dress himself, feed himself, figure out a toy or device with only his hands, figure out other people without the use of seeing their body language or facial expressions. It's all a challenge.

His vision impairment simply does not allow for as much independence as Christian wants at this point. It's as if his mind knows what he should and could do, but his body won't let him. And I have to watch him fight against it every day.

How i wish i could allow him independence when he asks to do things on his own. But not everything is safe enough for that. How I wish he could let go of my hand and not concern himself with the dangers of falling, or sharp edges on tables, or steps that he can't see coming. The things a 5 year old shouldn't be concerned with. There is time to worry when he's older. This age should be a time of wonder, exploration, and adventure unhindered by fear or struggles.

How I wish I could point up at the sky and show him a star so that his little mind could grasp it. Explaining a star to a 4 year old who can't see it is not easy to do in a way that his young mind can understand. How I want to give him the world, but his world stops at the tip of his fingers, and there is only so much I can do to compensate for that, although I try desperately. But it's just impossible to place a star into his little hands.

Every day is a reason to rejoice. Every day Christian does something that surprises and amazes me. Every day he does something that doctors once said he'd never do. Every day he accomplishes something that at one time my dreams of him ever doing had been crushed. There are so many things to be thankful for and so many more happy moments than sad. There is so much laughter and joy in this little boy.

But I won't ignore the sad moments. I will listen to what they have to teach me and I will love my little boy with every ounce of me. I will give him the world as far as I am capable and I will teach him to understand the hard moments, too. I will teach him to learn from them and grow into the most amazing person he can be. I will teach him that the measure of a man isn't how many times they fall down, but how many times they get back up. I will teach him to always get back up.

I wish we didn't have to deal with these struggles. I wish Christian could see, so badly. The holiday season is especially hard, because Christian can't see so many beautiful things that come around at Christmas. Christian always makes the holidays so special because he loves Christmas so much, and his joy is just so contagious. He doesn't care that he can't see, but boy how my mama heart cares. 


I wish Christian's life was as simple and easy as possible. But since I can't control that, I will control what I can, and that's how I respond to the hardship. I will make the best of what we have and I will celebrate the simple things and love as deeply as possible. Because I wouldn't trade Christian's sweet Eskimo kisses for anything in the world. He is worth every heart ache that raising him brings.

There's a saying that sometimes it takes the rain clouds for us to really appreciate the sunshine, and how true that is. How sweet our sunshine is, because we have seen the rain.

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Launch Team Info for Through The Eyes of Hope

Hey guys!

My book, Through the Eyes of Hope, releases on January 10th and I am so excited! This book is our story of faith, struggle, doubt, and hope. I am honored to be able to continue to share our family’s story in this way. It is a dream come true to watch this all unfold!


Launching this book is going to take a group effort, and I would love your help! We’re putting together a launch team and I want you to be a part of it!


What is a Launch Team?
A launch team is a group of devoted readers and supporters from ten to 500 in number–who are assembled online. They are the ambassadors for the book and given specific tasks that set them up as on-the-ground marketers to help spread the word about the book.

What is Your Role
We would love your help promoting the book through the following channels:

  1. Sharing about the book on your social media channels (Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat).
  2. Sharing about the book on your blog (but having a blog isn’t a requirement).
  3. Posting a review on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
  4. Finding other creative ways to tell someone about the book and how it has impacted you.

What Do You Get Out of This
I don’t want this to be a one-sided thing. I am SO grateful for anyone who would be willing to jump in and help us spread the word.  Here’s what you will receive in return:

  1. An early copy of the book!
  2. Access to a private Facebook group where the team will gather for updates, news, and team communication.
  3. Insight into the world of book marketing.

What do you think? Are you ready to join the journey? We would love to have you aboard!!!

If interested, please fill out THIS FORM. Give us a few days to collect the applications and pick the team. We only have limited spots, so thank you in advance for your patience and understanding as our team reads through your application and chooses the right team for this book!



Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Choosing Grace

Christian & Chris Ulmer
My family was honored with a special opportunity this past weekend. We got to meet Christopher Ulmer with Special Books by Special Kids  and be interviewed by him! Christian did a great job being interviewed and Chris really captured Christian's joyful spirit and laughter! (You can watch that interview here.) The video got over a million views in less than two days, which is awesome! But lots of exposure also always seems to bring out those who are jerks not so supportive. *sigh*



It always depends on the situation how I respond to these things. Sometimes I just don't at all, for the sake of our safety or if something just seems really off. However, when appropriate, I have decided that I won't sit by and stay silent. Maybe it's the lawyer in me, but I don't feel like change will ever happen if no one speaks up. It's bigger than Christian. Christian isn't the only person who has been targeted and run down based on their disability. He wasn't the first and he won't be the last. But in the meantime, I want to do what I can to address this issue.

The issue is the belief that people with disabilities are inherently miserable because of their disability.

The issue is the belief people with disabilities are better off dead.

The issue is the thought that people with disabilities are worthless and add nothing of value to society.

The issue is the idea that permeates to the core of our society that people with disabilities are less than other human beings because they have a disability, that they are somehow a substandard class of people who don't deserve the same basic human rights as others.

I want to put it to rest now. All of these things are WRONG!

To the Melodies of the world: You are wrong. You are as wrong as wrong can get. You are wrong about Christian and you are wrong about the value that he possesses. I feel sorry for you that you miss out on such an incredible person as him. Your words have no power over Christian or over who he is. You can continue to talk and it will change not a single thing. You will still be an adult talking down about a five year old disabled child and he will still be a five year old who has changed the world. 


                                                                                                                         

So, let's start with the original comment, exactly what was said. Someone shared the video I referenced above and shared this with it:

                    "Why would you want a monster for a child. How embarrassing to walk 
                     down the street. How selfish of the parents to allow that kid to walk 
                     around frightening everyone in his path just because they don't want 
                     other people to think they're bad parents." 

I wanted to address this the way I know how, piece by piece, as any good lawyer would do.

Why would I want a monster for a child?
Besides the fact that I'll add the question mark she forgot, because proper grammar, I suppose the important word in this sentence is "monster." So, what exactly is a monster? Her obvious definition of a monster is a five-year-old child with a disability. So scary!! I'm terrified already.

But, let me explain a little about my definition of a monster. A monster isn't the thing hiding under my bed, like I thought when I was six. Monsters are around us, cunningly disguised as humans. Except these humans laugh at the idea of causing pain. They take joy in creating hurt. They revel in looking down on their fellow man, because it somehow makes them feel elevated. 

I'll never understand this type of person/monster, but I know they exist. I've witnessed them first hand. 


So, who here is a monster? I think it would be hard for anyone to argue that a joyful, happy, music loving, joke telling little boy is. 


I'll address the next two things together. How embarrassing and how selfish. I'll put this one to rest quickly. How embarrassing? Not at all. Zero. There is exactly zero embarrassment felt when out in public with Christian. And how selfish? Also zero. I would like to invite Melody to spend a day with me and Christian, and see how selfish I get to be. I barely get time to shower for myself. Being the mom of a special child requires a selflessness that I didn't even know I had in me. I don't wake up every day and want to give of myself so much that it leaves me with very little, but I don't get to make that choice. I'm not special in that respect. It's what any decent mother does. She gives her children what they need. Mine so happens to need more than most, so that is what he gets. It's fairly simple and straightforward. 

Next concern, frightening other people. Again, here we are dealing with an adult who's idea of scary is a five year old with a disability. I'm not sure what type of life she's lived to think this is scary, but I've seen much worse in my 29 years. Frightening is standing next to a hospital bed holding your child's hand, praying they don't die. Frightening is reading comments from people who judge and hate a child based solely on his looks and realizing that your child has to grow up in a world where this type of human being exists.  But a child with a disability. I can't say I've ever been scared of that.



Finally, the thought that I do what I do out of shear concern that someone might think I'm a bad parent. Hmm...well, my first thought on this is, someone, somewhere, already thinks I'm a bad parent, so that kind of puts a hole in that theory. I'll never be perfect. I'll never do things exactly like another mom. Some sanctimommy is going to judge me for having Christian's car seat chest clip 1/3 of an inch lower than she thinks it should be. (Yep, that has literally happened.) See, I don't care if people think I'm a bad parent, because people are going to think whatever they choose to think about me regardless of what I do. I can have some influence over that at times, but sometimes I can't. And it's a good thing that it doesn't bother me because I don't do what I do for my kids to get the approval of strangers. I do what I do because I'm their mom and that's my job. This is how love works: when you love someone, you care for them. When you care for people who are small humans, you take care of them by taking care of their needs. When you take care of their needs, you don't pick and choose what you will do and what you won't. You also don't pick and choose when you will take care of their needs and when you won't. If it's a need, you just handle it. 

See, real love doesn't have conditions attached, or then it's not really love. It's a reward system where as long as they do what you want or be what you want, then you will gift them with affection or attention. Real love doesn't have that type of nonsense attached. Real love accepts a person as they are, imperfections and all, and provides that affection, attention, and nurturing they need. That's not to say that character flaws are just overlook and ignored. Those things are dealt with and worked through and addressed in love. But real love doesn't have a list of standards someone has to meet before they get that love. 

That's the difference between Christian and Melody. At first glance, it would seem that Christian is the more unfortunate of the two, because of the preconceived notions that people have about those with disabilities. But, that's exactly why I write this. I would rather my child be physically blind his whole life and know unconditional love than have him be perfectly-abled and be filled with the amount of hate that some people, like Melody, possess. Let's be honest, it must eat her up on the inside to constantly be so angry and ugly. It takes a really miserable and unhappy person to want to hurt an innocent child. It takes a person who is really hurting to want to cause other people such hurt.


A disability isn't a death sentence. It isn't a recipe for misery. In fact, people all over the world with  disabilities are living happily and well loved. Our society has this idea that it is more desirable to be dead than to have a disability. Can I just end that now and say IT'S NOT!!!! Think really hard right now about someone you know who is unhappy with their life. We all know someone like that. Now think, do they have vision or are they blind? I hope the lightbulb just clicked on for many of you. Having vision does not guarantee a happy life. Having a fully abled body does not guarantee a happy life. There are people all over the world who are miserable yet have perfectly abled bodies and minds.  So, why do we think the reverse exists, that having a disability guarantees an unhappy life? It doesn't. It doesn't. IT DOESN'T!!!!!!

I can't fathom the type of thinking that goes into comments like Melody's. I can only guess that people capable of this type of thinking have not experienced unconditional love like Christian has. And that's unfortunate. THEY are unfortunate. Because that is a basic need we all feel, the desire to be loved. And maybe sometimes when we don't get that desire fulfilled, we try to fill it the only way we know how, by making other people as miserable and hurt as we are. 

So, to wrap this up, Melody seems to think that she knows a whole lot about me, my family, Christian. She made some claims that she knows how much I lay in bed and cry, how hopeless I feel. She caught me huh? I sit in bed and cry at night over how blessed I am to get to be Christian and Chandler's mom. Tears of gratitude do flow from time to time. I also wanted to share a few photos as examples of the hopelessness that I carry and how miserable Christian is. How much he obviously hates me for letting him live, for sharing his life with others, for having a disability. 

Her words for me (I won't type it all out because it's really long and rambles some, but I'll cover the parts that stuck out to me. A "..." indicates breaks in the paragraph): Lacey I know you lay in bed and cry. I know you feel as if you have no options I know you feel hopeless. But I'm here to tell you that you are a selfish human being...I do not give a single damn about your son since there are so many other children that need help and that need love but don't get it...Raising a child with this severe of a disability is detrimental to society because it's not right. It's not the way it's suppose to be...I'm not a hateful person. 

I won't rebut this particular part because there's just so much nonsense that I white girl can't even. But,  please enjoy these pictures of me laying in bed and crying and feeling hopeless. 

I am so miserable to have a loving family



The misery we experience is all consuming at times. 

See the look of hopelessness on my face? Holding up my new book. Ugh!
Hopelessness abounds at my law school graduation where I received my doctorate degree. Laying in bed and crying, I'm telling ya.

That isn't pride on my face, that's hopelessness. 
Yep, pure misery.

Finally, I just want to address one more thing, "Raising a child with this severe of a disability is detrimental to society because it's not right." With such a logical and well articulated argument Melody made here, it's hard for me to think of a rebuttal, but alas, I found one!

Christian is everything that is right in the world. He is innocence and joy and love and happiness and beauty, all wrapped up in a little 39 pound frame. The Melodies of the world are all that is wrong with it. The answer to the wrong is love.

So, even though our first instinct is to lash out at the Melodies of the world, let's take the high road. Let's exhibit the love toward her that God has shown us. It doesn't mean we have to stand by and let her attack us. Obviously, I am addressing that here and dealing with it. But it does mean that I can forgive her and pray for her. Please join me in praying for the Melodies of the world.

Where sin did abound, grace did much more abound. The Melodies of the world are not so far gone that they can't be reached by an all-loving God. Sometimes in our hurt, when we see people dripping poison like she did, we don't want them to be reached, but Jesus died for all of us, even the ones who don't know it yet. He came so that none of us would perish, Melody included. We can't let the hurt that others cause us turn us calloused or hardened. We also can't let the poison that gets tossed about discourage us or make us second guess our purpose. We must keep pushing forward for the good work of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I must keep moving forward to spread the message that Christian
teaches, so that one day, all people of all abilities will be seen in the same light and treated as equals. God is good, even when people are not. And Melody could keep on spouting hate about Christian until her last breath, but what would it mean for Christian? It certainly won't take away his joy, his intelligence, his love for life, his silly jokes, his purpose. It won't take away the fact that he has changed the world for the better in his short life; that he has brought hundreds of thousands of people together in a community of support; that he gave me the motivation I needed to get my Juris Doctorate; That he can tell a joke and make hundreds of people roar with REAL laughter; That he has been invited to travel the country and appear on national television because people want to know him better; that he is the topic of a book that is projected to reach the New York Times Best Sellers List; That he has encouraged and inspired hundreds of thousands, if not millions of people. That's an impressive list for a five year old.

I am old enough to know not to let one ignorant person ruin my whole day, and I am wise enough to realize the people who deserve love the least need it the most. 

So, I am at peace with the fact that Melody's will always be around, but maybe, just maybe, I can reach a few of them. Maybe the love of God can reach a few of them. 

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Picking Playdough Out From Under My Fingernails /

We were getting dressed for a fancy, red carpet event. We had been invited to a benefit concert where Christian would go on stage, adorning bow tie and all, and play piano for the crowd. The show was a fancy ordeal, and it was important that we dress well and look put together. My friend was hosting the concert and it was an honor to be invited. At the very least, I had to make sure that we looked the part because we were representing her and her tremendous efforts to put this event together. We HAD to represent her well.

The boys were dressed in black pants, button up shirts, and bow ties adorned with music notes. I wore a dress that I can't wear too many places because it's a touch to "fancy" if you will, but it was gorgeous. My hair and makeup were done up and I felt, well, you know how you feel when you dress up and your hair does good and your makeup goes on well, and you just feel like walking a red carpet?! Yep! I felt ready to walk down that red carpet, get on stage and show off my handsome boy to the crowd!

 As we got ready to walk out the door to this concert, all adorned in red carpet attire, I reached for something, and as I looked down at my hand, I saw bright yellow play dough under my fingernails.

I signed heavily and thought to myself.  "I can't fake being put together even if I try!" I washed my hands and picked play dough out from under my nails for as long as I cold before we headed on out the door. I would just have to address the rest of the play dough later. I walked out the door feeling less "fancy" than I had before I noticed the play dough.

I have a few photos from that night, and you know, the play dough wasn't noticeable; at least, no one said anything about it to me! <Haha!> But that juxtaposition of being dressed for the red carpet while simultaneously wearing bright yellow play dough under my fingernails was, to me, the perfect representation of motherhood.

Motherhood has to be one of the simultaneously most beautiful and not-so-pretty things to exist. It's definitely like walking the red carpet so to speak! It's such a beautiful and exhilarating thing that not everyone gets to experience! We are so lucky to get the honor of being a mother, and at the same time, it's so easy to get distracted by the not-so-beautiful parts.  Think about it, we all see the beautiful maternity photos. They make pregnancy look gorgeous on anyone, but anyone who has ever been pregnant knows that photo is not always an accurate representation of how we feel.

Weight gain, heart burn, morning sickness, hair loss, post partum depression, after birth, contractions, the pregnant waddle, I could go on, but I think you get the point. "I feel big as a whale" is a common phrase I have heard from my pregnant friends. Pregnancy is not always pretty, and neither is motherhood.

So often, we see these gorgeous depictions of motherhood as well, that aren't an accurate representation, at least not always. First skin to skin cuddles with a new baby, priceless. The peace of a sleeping baby on your chest, breathtaking. But not every moment is priceless, or breathtaking, or anything that even remotely resembles beautiful, at least not what anyone would consider typically beautiful, like sitting in the baby's room at 3am for the 12th night in a row, blood shot eyes and exhaustion that brings you to tears, so desperate for sleep that you don't know how you'll do it all again tomorrow.




Take this photo above for example. I was very pregnant with Chandler when this was taken. I think I look beautiful. I think I look like I was made to be pregnant in this photo. My smile says that I love carrying this precious baby in my body, and I did. But the truth is, I was sick my entire pregnancy from gallbladder and digestive issues. Terrifying nightmares haunted me often during this pregnancy and I suffered lack of sleep because I was so scared to go to sleep some nights. (I once dreamed of Christian lying deceased in a casket. I'm talking extreme nightmares.) I lost weight for the last month of my pregnancy because I was too sick to eat. I was terrified about how I was going to take care of Christian's needs AND a new baby's. I questioned my ability to be everything they both my boys needed so much so that I began to wonder what I was thinking by getting pregnant again after Christian.

Motherhood is so beautiful, and at the same time, there are so many things about it that I wouldn't call beautiful. Kind of like being dressed in red carpet attire with bright yellow play dough under your fingernails.

It's so easy to get caught up in the here and now, in the exhaustion of the moment, that we forget to stop and take in those little moments, the ones we may never get again. We will only get to cuddle a newborn for a few weeks before they turn into an infant. We will only get the opportunity to love on an infant for a few months before they turn into a toddler. We will only get to chase after a toddler for a couple of years before they turn into a preschooler. Then we only get a couple of years before our preschooler turns into a school age kid, and although I don't know from experience, I've heard that all you have to do is blink and your kindergartner is graduating high school.

But I don't really think it's our fault that we get swallowed up in this constant battle between trying to enjoy every little moment and not lost our mind in the process. I hope no one hears blame in this post, because that isn't it at all. I think there is this huge expectations on mothers to "have it all together," but the fact is, it's a feat in itself to care for multiple lives beyond your own and do it well. Let's be honest!!!!! Waking up and going to bed on someone else's schedule can be exhausting, especially if that someone happens to decide to wake up a dozen or more times a night for seventeen straight months, but that's not speaking from personal experience or anything. (It's absolutely personal experience!! EXHAUSTING!!!!!) It's hard to give enough attention to yourself and your needs when you're giving enough attention to a child. In fact, pretty much impossible. It's even more difficult to work a job, keep a clean home, the laundry done, food in the fridge and the bills paid, study for class, see your friends, eat a well balanced meal that's not just whatever you could grab in the 12 seconds you had allotted to eat, take care of your relationship with your spouse, attend religious services and car pools and baseball games and gymnastics and piano lessons and parent teacher meetings and play dates and doctor's appointments. Let's not forget ensuring that those little people who made us a mother are eating the right foods ANYTHING they'll actually agree to eat, getting their homework done and doing it right, getting enough sleep, getting enough play time and learning time, enough sun, but not too much; enough attention and love, but making sure not to spoil him while also building important character traits. Nothing too big, huh?

Are you tired yet? Because I'm exhausted just thinking about it. And on top of everything else, we are expected to be a certain weight, not look as exhausted as we feel, have great complexions, be fit and tone, have gorgeous hair that doesn't take too long to fix, look like we are always put together, be well dressed and on point even though we generally have about 3 minutes to dress ourselves, and actually HAVE it all together!!! Unrealistic is only the first word that comes to my mind.

But wait, there's more!!! I can't write a post like this without talking about the notorious mommy wars! Breastfeeding versus bottle feeding, stay at home mom versus working mom, cry it out or bed sharing. A million different ways to raise a child, and mom's infamously battle over whose way is best and why other ways are inferior. I'm not sure there is any greater pressure known to human kind than attempting to raise, nurture, and care for another human being and attempt to ensure that it turns into a decent adult!!

The pressure mothers are under is EXTREME and sometimes I think we do ourselves a disservice by actually listening to all those voices telling us what we need to do and that we are never good enough; cause, ya know what, we don't have to listen to every Pop Sugar article that tells us how inferior we are and we certainly don't have to join in the Facebook debate with strangers about which parenting method works best. We don't have to listen to that inner voice that tells us we failed today, but man, isn't that easier said than done? It. is. SO. HARD!!!!!!!

When Christian was an infant, my first child, extreme and complicated medical needs and all, I felt so clueless so often. And the worst part was that his needs were so unique that no one could really help me or give me guidance. I felt really alone a lot. I think everyone was so taken aback by his complicated needs that they didn't want to give me advice for fear of it being wrong (that can be a good thing at times to not receive advice!) but I think a lot of people just avoided the situation all together, avoided us altogether, when really, I didn't need advice at all. I just needed someone to stand next to me and BE there. I didn't need help, really, I just needed to NOT be alone in the scariest and most stressful thing I had ever experienced up to that point in my 24 years of life. I spent a lot of time alone in hospital rooms, alone in prayer (at least I felt like my prayers were one sided at that time), and alone in the middle of the night caring for my sweet baby.



But, I honestly think, had Christian been typical, I could have very well had the same lonely feelings. I think most moms feel isolated or lonely in those early days of child raising. So much of your time is spent tending to baby that you don't even have time to tend to yourself, let alone to relationships with others. I often hear other stay at home moms voicing that they just want some "adult time" because their days are spent with toddlers and Dora the Explorer. So many people hear this as a cry of unappreciativeness and scold moms for this, but after living the lonely life of a mother, I get it. I know it has nothing to do with not being thankful for your kids! I know it has nothing to do with your children not being your everything! But I certainly also understand how it appears that way to the outside world.

As an almost thirty year old woman, I understand that this season in my life of being lonely and feeling isolated, of picking play dough out from under my fingernails, is just that, a season. I understand that my boys are the most precious gift I have ever been given, and the highest calling I have ever had is to be their mom. But NONE of that negates my need to feel connected with others. My love for my children does NOT somehow end my longing to have deep, meaningful conversations with others who get me on a soul level. The fact that I spent a portion of my day cuddled up with sleepy babies in a joyous bliss that I wouldn't trade for ANYTHING, does not stop the yearning in my heart to feel like I am more than just a diaper changing, snot wiping, cartoon watching, milk supply. Don't hear that wrong. I wouldn't trade wiping those snotty noses for ALL the adult interaction in the world. If I had to be lonely for the rest of my life for my children, I would; but why does it have to be one or the other? I propose that it doesn't.

You know what I think mom's need more than to be labeled, more than advice (welcomed or not)? You know what I think we need more than to not have to pick yellow play dough out from under our fingernails? I think we need support, from each other, and from those around us, and from society. I think the entire world would benefit from us all having a greater understanding of the pressures and stresses that come inherently with raising tiny humans. I think we could all benefit from showing more compassion and understanding to women facing the tremendously difficult (but oh, so rewarding) challenges of tending to the every need of another person!

And I think we need to stop being so hard on ourselves. it's unrealistic to think that you will never make mistakes in life or in motherhood. I sometimes feel like, with my boys, there isn't room for error. I am raising human beings who will be fathers and husbands and leaders one day, and I CAN'T MESS THIS UP!!!! But I have. I have messed up. I have lost my temper. I have made the wrong choice. I have fed the junk food. I have caved and bought the toy.

I don't want to pretend that I am perfect. It does no one any good, and certainly not myself! I don't want other women to look at me and think that they need to try to be "perfect" like me. Not that anyone thinks I'm perfect, just that if I give that perception, they might feel pressured based on what I show and what they see. And that's just it, we generally only get to see the highlight reels of other people's lives anyways. I don't post on Facebook how I just lost my temper with my child, and I am really cautious to even post when I am stressed, because inevitably I will get judged and called ungrateful or whiny or whatever, as if my life is always supposed to be rainbows and sunshine, and as if I should never be stressed or tired or moody. So, of course I'm going to be more likely to post the good things, the fun times, the highlight reels.

First and foremost, mothers are human. Sometimes seeming superhuman, but still human. And I want to be the first to admit that I am as human as the next mom. And that's okay! I am doing the best I can, and I am lucky enough to call Christian and Chandler mine. The rest will just have to fall as it may!